Quite some time ago I realized living in the past was a fruitless exercise and decided to live in the present, plan for the future, but to definitely learn to put stuff behind me, and stay focused on now. That was a great decision, but living it in every day was not as easy as I expected. Seems there is this "peanut" in my brain that wants to send me all sorts of thoughts (sorry I rhyme naturally, habit), that I can't always stop from dredging up past feelings, past hurts, past behaviors which tend to put a prickle up on the back of my neck, or past manuals, or expectations of others lives that I have no right to expect.
My ability to capture those ugly things is getting better, but when certain painful circumstances come back, and the people associated with that as well turn up with their emotional mess, it is easy to fall back to the whole scenario and relive every little detail, which, in turn, brings up all the feelings that have been supposedly released to the universe or whatever, never to be felt again.
This happened to me recently and I "coached" myself around the mess, resolved, or supposedly resolved those ugly little critter thoughts and emotions, to find that they marched right back and took over every sensible part of my brain. I wish they were peanuts for real because I would eat them, digest them, and pass them through much quicker in my internal organs than in my peanut brain.
The good news is, that I can understand all of this, but have to process it all the way through to an unconditional love for all of those that want to claim my joy, emotions and actions. To find a peace, that can keep the space, not return "tit for tat", not spew back to get even, but to just love, without expectation, and to put the past where it belongs, in the past. Not let it control my present, or my future.
A work in progress...........might I say a GOOD work!
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