Monday, October 27, 2014
Go4Symmetry: How strong are your foundations?.......
Go4Symmetry: How strong are your foundations?.......: I have been in Australia visiting my family for the last two weeks, and it has been wonderful and interesting at the same time. For some re...
How strong are your foundations?.......
I have been in Australia visiting my family for the last two weeks, and it has been wonderful and interesting at the same time. For some reason, maybe do da do da, my childhood memories and the foundations I laid for my future have suddenly smacked me in the face. We all have stuff in our childhood that we regret, blame, wish we could change etc, but these thoughts were the good stuff, the stuff futures are made of.
As a coach, I could sit back and see those memories that could pull me into a negative space, or make me dredge up all the past crap and nonsense that has happened, but, I chose not to dwell on that, but instead, look at what my childhood, and the steps I took to make a future, have impacted my adult life. Now, I am not sugar coating anything here, we all have stuff that frankly, we wish didn't happen to us or that we could change, and we put pretty flowers around a frame of what we want to believe instead of what is actual.
Sometime ago, I had a long hard look, took the flowers away from the cosy picture I wanted to paint, and realized that most people in my life, including my family, only wanted what was best for me. Where it all got muddied, came from opinions, mine and theirs included, and expectations of each other that were not real. A lot of those opinions in my case came from fear.
You see, I was a very outgoing, fearless young person who knew exactly what she wanted, and it made my parents cringe and see the dark monsters that could cloud my future, and others who saw the potential in my abilities and encouraged and supported me. So which story do I want to believe? Oh sure, I could have a story of woe and struggle and non support because no-one really understood me, or I could look and see the amazing people who helped me become something super special as a teenager, with memories so wonderful that it impacted my whole life.
I met one of those people yesterday, one who believed in me probably more than I believed in myself. He managed my career as part of a singing duo for several years, giving me such confidence and belief in my talents and abilities. It was through him I eventually met my now husband of 35 years. The word grateful pales into insignificance when I look back at those years from 15 to about 30. The good times shaped me more than the difficult times.
But, as I faced more difficulties in my life, a divorce, changing countries, adopting very special needs kids, somewhere that fearlessness took a dive. Though the amazing training I have received as a Life Coach, that fearlessness has returned stronger than ever, because of, not just the good times, but the difficulties that made me into a fighter.
So, I am glad that no-one told me what to see, but helped me to look for what I was so I could evolve from childhood, to an amazing promise of what is to still come as an adult.
As a coach, I could sit back and see those memories that could pull me into a negative space, or make me dredge up all the past crap and nonsense that has happened, but, I chose not to dwell on that, but instead, look at what my childhood, and the steps I took to make a future, have impacted my adult life. Now, I am not sugar coating anything here, we all have stuff that frankly, we wish didn't happen to us or that we could change, and we put pretty flowers around a frame of what we want to believe instead of what is actual.
Sometime ago, I had a long hard look, took the flowers away from the cosy picture I wanted to paint, and realized that most people in my life, including my family, only wanted what was best for me. Where it all got muddied, came from opinions, mine and theirs included, and expectations of each other that were not real. A lot of those opinions in my case came from fear.
You see, I was a very outgoing, fearless young person who knew exactly what she wanted, and it made my parents cringe and see the dark monsters that could cloud my future, and others who saw the potential in my abilities and encouraged and supported me. So which story do I want to believe? Oh sure, I could have a story of woe and struggle and non support because no-one really understood me, or I could look and see the amazing people who helped me become something super special as a teenager, with memories so wonderful that it impacted my whole life.
I met one of those people yesterday, one who believed in me probably more than I believed in myself. He managed my career as part of a singing duo for several years, giving me such confidence and belief in my talents and abilities. It was through him I eventually met my now husband of 35 years. The word grateful pales into insignificance when I look back at those years from 15 to about 30. The good times shaped me more than the difficult times.
But, as I faced more difficulties in my life, a divorce, changing countries, adopting very special needs kids, somewhere that fearlessness took a dive. Though the amazing training I have received as a Life Coach, that fearlessness has returned stronger than ever, because of, not just the good times, but the difficulties that made me into a fighter.
So, I am glad that no-one told me what to see, but helped me to look for what I was so I could evolve from childhood, to an amazing promise of what is to still come as an adult.
Sunday, October 19, 2014
Are you living in the past......?
Quite some time ago I realized living in the past was a fruitless exercise and decided to live in the present, plan for the future, but to definitely learn to put stuff behind me, and stay focused on now. That was a great decision, but living it in every day was not as easy as I expected. Seems there is this "peanut" in my brain that wants to send me all sorts of thoughts (sorry I rhyme naturally, habit), that I can't always stop from dredging up past feelings, past hurts, past behaviors which tend to put a prickle up on the back of my neck, or past manuals, or expectations of others lives that I have no right to expect.
My ability to capture those ugly things is getting better, but when certain painful circumstances come back, and the people associated with that as well turn up with their emotional mess, it is easy to fall back to the whole scenario and relive every little detail, which, in turn, brings up all the feelings that have been supposedly released to the universe or whatever, never to be felt again.
This happened to me recently and I "coached" myself around the mess, resolved, or supposedly resolved those ugly little critter thoughts and emotions, to find that they marched right back and took over every sensible part of my brain. I wish they were peanuts for real because I would eat them, digest them, and pass them through much quicker in my internal organs than in my peanut brain.
The good news is, that I can understand all of this, but have to process it all the way through to an unconditional love for all of those that want to claim my joy, emotions and actions. To find a peace, that can keep the space, not return "tit for tat", not spew back to get even, but to just love, without expectation, and to put the past where it belongs, in the past. Not let it control my present, or my future.
A work in progress...........might I say a GOOD work!
My ability to capture those ugly things is getting better, but when certain painful circumstances come back, and the people associated with that as well turn up with their emotional mess, it is easy to fall back to the whole scenario and relive every little detail, which, in turn, brings up all the feelings that have been supposedly released to the universe or whatever, never to be felt again.
This happened to me recently and I "coached" myself around the mess, resolved, or supposedly resolved those ugly little critter thoughts and emotions, to find that they marched right back and took over every sensible part of my brain. I wish they were peanuts for real because I would eat them, digest them, and pass them through much quicker in my internal organs than in my peanut brain.
The good news is, that I can understand all of this, but have to process it all the way through to an unconditional love for all of those that want to claim my joy, emotions and actions. To find a peace, that can keep the space, not return "tit for tat", not spew back to get even, but to just love, without expectation, and to put the past where it belongs, in the past. Not let it control my present, or my future.
A work in progress...........might I say a GOOD work!
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